In this time of waiting, I am overwhelmed with the support that our family has received from everywhere.  My step-dad’s company started a fund for Jeremy’s kids, I’ve received lots of emails from friends.  Newspapers and TV and Radio shows have featured Jeremy all across the country.

Right now, what I know is this:  On the same mission, Jeremy saved the lives of two other soldiers.  After the IED exploded, the other soldiers tried to get him to the hospital.  On the way to the hospital, they had to amputate one of his legs, and it sounds like cause of death was loss of blood from the amputation.

He’s definitely going to get a Bronze star and Purple Heart.  They are checking on criteria for higher honors such as Silver Star, etc…  His wife and kids are in Germany, and his sister-in-law just flew there today.  They will probably come back to the states on Tuesday, then Jeremy’s body will be flown to San Antonio.  He’s in Dover right now.  After that, things will go quickly.

I’ve met with my sponsor twice since Jeremy was killed.  My sponsor told me to go to meetings, and to find something to do for myself, since I’ll have to be strong and be present for others once I get to San Antonio.  In Ohio, a lot of the meetings have a time of prayer requests.  I usually am quiet during this time, but this week I’ve been able to ask others to remember my family in prayer.  I created a website for Jeremy, and hope that his family will be able to participate in the website.  As for my activity for myself, I decided to go to Mamma Mia! which is the feel-good movie of the summer.  That starts in a couple of hours, and I’m really looking forward to seeing it!

I know I have many friends who “lurk” here and read but don’t comment, and I want to say a great big Thank You for remembering me and my family during this time.

My sponsor called me this morning and we had a good talk.  He said that as a sober person, I have some tools to use during this trying time for my family.  I am able to be “present” for everyone, and can be a helpful member of the family.  This is pretty much word-for-word what I heard from my good friend JG in Sioux Falls when my Mom was in a coma three years ago.  It’s good to hear these same words of comfort now.

The more that I think about it, the more I realize that sobriety is God’s gift, not only to me, but to my family.  If I was still drinking, there’s no way that I’d even think about going to San Antonio for Jeremy’s funeral, let alone be helpful to anyone.

Fortunately, my employer will give me up to 5 days off in order to attend.  The Army may or may not help with the flight or hotel, but either way, I’ll go for as long as I’m needed to console family members who were close to him.

I just got a call from Mom.  Apparently, my step-brother was clearing a building in Iraq, and an IED exploded.  He died, and his funeral will be in San Antonio, but I’m not sure when.  I think it’ll be this week or maybe the weekend.  Please keep his wife and two children in your thoughts and prayers.

It’s late so I hope this comes out right.

I’ve started to return to some weekly meetings enough that people are beginning to remember my name, and I’m really starting to figure out what meetings attract good speakers and topics, and tonight was an excellent meeting.

Ohioans in AA do something that is still pretty unfamiliar to me:  they comment on people’s stories at meetings.  Usually, a speaker will share his or her story:  what it used to be like, what happened, and what it’s like now; just like the Big Book says.  Then they will end their “lead” by asking everyone to say the Lord’s Prayer together.  After the prayer is done, everyone sits down, and the floor is opened up for “comments.”  Some meetings are known for their comments, and other meetings are known for only having a couple of minutes for comments.  Tonight’s meeting was a happy medium, and I feel like the comments were truly focused on topics that the speaker introduced.

I was moved enough to share a comment of my own.  It felt good to participate in a meeting this way.  I got to relate my own story to some of the things that happened to the speaker.  We experienced what happens throughout the country in meetings all over the place - one drunk talking to another starts to connect through stories.  It reminds me once again why I love AA.

Sometimes, when searching for AA meetings, there are road blocks.  How I deal with those road blocks is a good measure of how well I’m following the AA principles that day.

Yesterday, I decided to re-double my efforts and go to two meetings.  I would attend and try to connect with someone.  The first meeting was at a halfway house.  No one went out of their way to shake hands with newcomers and I found a seat and got some coffee and listened to the speaker and that was it.  I won’t go back to that meeting.  Cross one more off my list.

I still had time to go to a men’s discussion meeting.  I think discussion meetings might be more my style.  In South Dakota, most of the meetings are discussion, and in Ohio most of the meetings are speaker meetings.  I found the church but the parking lot was empty.  I walked around to all of the entrances, and I called Cleveland’s AA District Office.  The volunteers who answer the phones there helped me find my first meeting in Cleveland, but since then I have not found the AA office very helpful at all.  They had no information about the meeting’s status or if I was even looking at the right place, so I hung up and found my meeting schedule.  There was another men’s discussion group, and one of the first people I met here said he goes to that meeting regularly.  So I called him and left a message, saying I’d be at the meeting.

He showed up and we sat at the same discussion table, and had a good meeting.  Usually I leave discussion meetings with a good vibe, unless the topic comes from left field.  After this meeting, my friend invited me out to coffee.  Last time I was invited out after a meeting, I drove to the restaurant and then realized that I didn’t know any of the people.  I sat in my car, gripped with fear, and then drove home.  This time, since I knew at least one person, I went into the restaurant.  We had a nice time talking, and I may have found my first client for designing websites! (We’ll see how it goes)

Anyway, it was nice to actually feel a part of once again.  My experience so far is that most people in the program don’t show up every single week to the same meetings, so I have no expectations that next week will be the same.  Still, it was nice.

No I’m not talking about this. (Although I did get to meet The Offspring at work and they were pretty cool!)

A little over a year ago, I ran into a website about decluttering, and it had a link to the Fly Lady.  Her site is a program on cleaning and decluttering your home.  I don’t want to give away any of her tips, so visit the FlyLady site for yourself if you’re intersted.  Suffice it to say, I have lived in CHAOS (Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome) for my entire adult life.  The FLY lady gives encouragement through daily emails and a program to follow, and it all centers around taking baby steps.  I love that.  Just like the AA program, where I strive for spiritual progress, one day at a time, I can get out of CHAOS with baby steps as well.  I’m learning how to FLY (Finally Love Yourself) and the results really showed this week when Mom was here.

Mom keeps saying how impressed she is with my ability to pare down my belongings to only those things I need and love and use.  I feel like I have a long way to go, but I now have two rooms where I feel completely comfortable (Three, if you count the dining area).  I spent some time doing massive cleaning efforts, but they’ve stayed clean because of my baby steps.

Thanks, FLYLady!

Mom and I had a blast exploring Cleveland.  We traveled to Aurora Farms Outlet Mall, Fairport Harbor, much of Cleveland, and more.  We had fun checking out two tours: one was a boat tour, and the other was a trolley tour.  We also got to see the Christmas Story House!  That was her favorite!  My sponsor was out of town, but he made it back today and swung by the apartment to meet Mom.  It always feels a little awkward when I introduce AA people to Mom.  She’s glad that I go to meetings, but has never shown interest when I’ve mentioned Al-Anon or conferences, etc…  So she gets to see how I live and that’s her only example of what AA is all about.  She has met one other sponsor, who helped us move a bunch of Grandma’s furniture a few years ago.  And now she’s met Mike.  So that was good.

I made it to an AA meeting tonight, and even stayed late to talk to a guy.  He seemed really interested in my application process to Cuyahoga Community College.  When I got home, I checked the mail, and found out that I was accepted to what they call “Tri-C” but that my residency is in question.  I need to fill out a form and send it in.  I really hope they decide to give me Ohio rates.  They are about 1/4 of the out-of-state rates.

Tomorrow afternoon, I pick up my mom from the airport and we will be tourists in the Cleveland area!  Some things I’ve learned this week:

• The best way to find out about your town is to play “tour guide” for someone else
• There are more lighthouses in my area than originally thought!
• The only people who have seen my apartment in the last 90 days are pizza delivery guys.
• All pizza boxes are in the dumpster!

Curtains! Curtains! Curtains!

Today I’m going to try to get the blasted curtains up in my guest bedroom in preparation for Mom’s visit.  I had them up before, but then when I went to Founders Day in Akron, my precious Rosa (meow) decided she didn’t like the curtains, so she pulled them down.  The bracket on the left side came completely out of the wall!  I got some magical goop at the hardware store that fills in holes.  It starts out pink, and then turns white as it dries!  This time, I’m going to move the curtains and use anchors for the screws.  I dare Rosa to pull those curtains down! Ha!

I am going to temporarily put my loneliness issue on the shelf, so that I can focus on something more positive:  Mom is coming to town for a visit!  I can’t believe she’ll be here on Thursday already!  I have a few things I need to do at the apartment in preparation, but not too much.  Most of what’s left can be stuffed in a container under the bed!

She’s never been to Cleveland, so we’re going to be tourists!  I can’t wait!  First on our list?  The house where they filmed A Christmas Story!